She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
