yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
