Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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