I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
