i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just gift wrapped bread.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize