so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
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