she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
