I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize