Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Shame - the story of my life.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize