Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
