When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
