in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I stole a fireplace last night.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
