u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
