i can't believe i had my finger in that
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
