you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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