Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
