fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
