He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
