His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
