i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
