I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
