I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
