the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Are we still banned from the library?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
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