It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
