Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
