apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
