You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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