I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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