i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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