11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
