Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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