I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
