worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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