Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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