Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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