You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
