Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
