I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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