i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
