she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize