I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
