Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
