just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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