my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
