My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Man, jail baloney is awful.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
