The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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