I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
