his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
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