i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
