dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
