yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
