it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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