it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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