It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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