Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize