I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
