Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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