woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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