you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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