I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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