So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
