nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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