apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
