just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
