There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
