I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
