I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
