Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
