So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
