she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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