Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Can you bring me the toilet please
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize