The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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