I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
