She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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