Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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