Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
