Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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