i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We just shotgunned beers for America
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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