good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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