If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
