Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
