I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
