Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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