dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
So many bounce houses so little time
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
