I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
