doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
