I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
