how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
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