god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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