Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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