Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
