talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
