Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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