apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize