And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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