just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
