This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
