Christians are straight up FREAKS
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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