this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
