Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
